Best Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough By Lori Gottlieb
Read Online Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough By Lori Gottlieb
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Ebook About An eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships and a wake-up call for single women about getting real about Mr. Right.You have a fulfilling job, great friends, and the perfect apartment. So what if you haven’t found “The One” just yet. He’ll come along someday, right? But what if he doesn’t? Or what if Mr. Right had been, well, Mr. Right in Front of You—but you passed him by? Nearing forty and still single, journalist Lori Gottlieb started to wonder: What makes for lasting romantic fulfillment, and are we looking for those qualities when we’re dating? Are we too picky about trivial things that don’t matter, and not picky enough about the often overlooked things that do? In Marry Him, Gottlieb explores an all-too-common dilemma—how to reconcile the desire for a happy marriage with a list of must-haves and deal-breakers so long and complicated that many great guys get misguidedly eliminated. On a quest to find the answer, Gottlieb sets out on her own journey in search of love, discovering wisdom and surprising insights from sociologists and neurobiologists, marital researchers and behavioral economists—as well as single and married men and women of all generations.Book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Review :
Take this book with a grain of salt. It's hard to do. At first I completely freaked out at the fact that Gottlieb is right, it does get harder for women to date as they get older and the pool starts getting smaller. You think, all the good ones are gone and what's left are the Peter Pans who will waste your youth and then marry someone younger once they decide the timing is finally right for them. Which is somewhat true. I'm getting closer to 30 and I'm so glad I read this book. Take this away: truly think of what your non negotiables and stick with finding someone who has those in common. I just started dating again and at first I went for the fun flake (only lasted 3 dates) and then to the nice guy who I thought..ah, I'll give him a chance. We ended up dating for almost 2 months and recently mutually ended things because something was still missing...but it taught me how nice it was to have someone reliable to date. He never had me waiting around. He called every night. We planned things in advance. We went on fun dates, not just to bars. Usually it's make loose plans on Tuesday to hang out Thursday and then hear from them Thursday at 4pm...we still on for tonight? I didn't have the heart pounding, waiting around, what did I do or say wrong last time feeling. It was such a relief. So I'm going to continue to give all types of guys chances unless I truly think they're a serial killer. I'm taking away so many positives from this previous relationship and am really happy I spent more time in the relationship instead of running on the 3rd date because he told a lame story. I never thought of myself as a shallow dater but it is easy, for some reason, to have something stupid distract you from a great person. The charming guys who gave me immediate butterflies were always great....but so far, none of them committed to me. I do think there needs to be an obvious balance of attraction and things in common...but ladies, one bit of advice, don't become screwed up and bitter over some guy who doesn't make you feel secure in the relationship. You're just going to screw yourself over from finding a nice guy once you start dating again because you're still bitter and hurt. It took me a while to shake off my previous insecurities from a past relationship, but you have to do it. You have to make yourself vulnerable and open. It sucks and is hard. But law of attraction is a real deal thing. Once I was in a better place, I started getting asked out way more. Same hairstyle, same face, same weight...anyway. This book made me do a lot of soul searching which I didn't realize I needed. It makes you face your fears by dealing with reality. Don't lose hope, but don't be stupid and waste your time with the wrong type of person. I'm a man, but I read this book. I've become curious about the genre of dating literature for women recently, because I'm in my 40s and have just divorced after a decade. Before that, I had lots of serious relationships (1-5 years in length, twice engaged) but always ended up leaving them in the end—because I realized that I was not enough to meet the expectations involved.This book is spot-on in its diagnosis. So many women are looking for a man to be their "everything" in life—BFF, primary support system, bottomless bank account, butler, protector, empathizer, activity partner, lover, insurance policy, career-enabler, etc.—but no man is capable of this. More to the point, why would any human being, male or female, sacrifice their own self entirely in order to live someone else's life this way?I think people who are upset about the "settling" trope misunderstand it. It's not necessarily about settling for one particular guy that's less than he needs to be. It's about settling for a mere husband—rather than holding out for a supermodel-superhero-fling-boyfriend-superfather-fatherfigure-president-hitman-protector-gayboyfriend-bestgirlfriend-butler to come along who matches your particular needs entirely.The message of the book is basically (if I can paraphrase), that if you want to have a husband, you'd better stop secretly looking for the other stuff, because whomever you find, and whether or not you marry them, a husband is all any of them is ever going to be—just as a wife is all you're ever going to be—or can be—for them.I should also add that this applies not just to women who want to be married, but also (speaking from experience) to women who think that the solution to the problem is to marry to get that bridge crossed, then work on turning him into all of those things afterward. Realistically speaking, "he loves you and he's doing his best, and he's a pretty damned worthwhile person, apart from any relationship concerns" is all you're going to have in the end, from any man (or from any woman, for that matter—it runs both ways).In other words, even if he looks like a Calvin Klein add, shares every . single . one of your interests, is wealthier than Midas, and is willing to follow *you* around, carry *your* bags, and sacrifice his well-being for your own well-being and career and desires, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, he is still going to fall short. Looks fade. Fortunes are lost. Peoples' interests change. And even if he's your 24/7 puppy, he still can't read your mind. He's going to get it wrong eventually—and if your being in it is predicated on his never deviating from the party line, you're going to end up not wanting what you've got.As for me, I'm going to make this book a litmus test in the future. "Have you read Lori Gottlieb's 'Marry Him?' Did you like it?" If the answer is no, I'm not going along for the ride. I've been down this road (and had to leave to save my sanity) too many times in my 25-year love life so far. I'm just not interested in doing it ever again. As a man, I can say that it's not at all worth it; better to be on your own than to try to build something with someone who doesn't agree with what's in this book, whether they got it here or somewhere else.Again, that goes for men and women. I think, frankly, that in today's world there are a lot of people on all sides of the aisle—male and female, gay and straight—who need the points outlined here. We live in self-centered culture, and relationships just aren't about selves—they're about self-sacrifice and mutuality. If that sounds offensive to you—I hate to use the trite saying, but I'm going to—you should stop looking for a significant other and start looking for a Great Dane. 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